A Little Bit of Herstory
Hello all! And thank you again so much for joining me on my journey, for journey it has certainly been. Feels like a never-ending and ever evolving sensual adventure and exploration and I feel called to share a bit about all that has transpired. I am so grateful you are here!
I’ve been a rather sensual creature all of my life and have long been exploring different avenues of expression since a fairly early age. Mind you, this does not mean having sex, but rather seeking an outlet for the sensual energy that is at the core of my being. It has many times gotten confused with the act of sex, but over the years I have come to understand that sexual energy and sensual energy are two very different experiences for me – and for many others I suspect as well. Problem is that our society has confused sensuality with sexuality, with the former seemingly always having to lead to the latter.
I remember the first time I recall tapping into my sensual energy in a very powerful way – so much so that I still think back on it somewhat in awe of the beauty in the simplicity of it. I was in drama class in high school, probably 10th grade, and while waiting to go on stage during rehearsal, I was sitting back behind the curtain on a bench type of seating or perhaps it was a couch even, and a boy I thought was cute was laying down on the couch with his head in my lap, while I ran my fingers through his hair and all along his head. Soft, slow, sensual. So simple, yet so profound for me. Touch. Sensual touch. It was a powerful moment. I felt so connected and in tune with myself, with this person, and with the cosmos even. I wasn’t exactly a spiritual person in high school – or so I think. Now thinking back on that moment, it actually was quite spiritual for me. I find great spirituality in my sensual expression, in my body, in connecting with others. It is really quite amazing that we get to come together to experience each other in any sort of capacity, but to touch another human being is quite sacred and absolutely precious. This is what I was experiencing in that moment and for the first time in such a profound and reverent way. And why it is forever etched in my psyche.
Since then I have gone on to experience and touch many people and have tried many different forms of outlets for my sensual energy – and, again, this has often gotten confused with sexual energy. It took a great deal of trial and error and heartbreak to learn how to have healthy boundaries around my sensuality. Expressing my sensual energy oftentimes led to sexual encounters which oftentimes led to all sorts of unnecessarily painful and complicated entanglements with others who I had no interest in being in an actual relationship with. But this is what tends to happen in our society – we express sensual energy, which we confuse as sexual energy, which we think we have to give to others, which ends us up in unwanted, unhealthy relationships that last way too long and ultimately shuts down our sensual and sexual energy. A vicious cycle that I repeated time and again and I have seen countless others repeat time and again. It took some time for me to find healthier outlets that allowed me to express my sensuality and that came with inherent boundaries that I learned how to strengthen over time and that allowed for even more sensual expression – and that provided a safe place for others to explore their sensual and sexual natures knowing that the boundaries were strong and they need not worry about unwanted entanglements. Dancing at gentlemen clubs was the first place I got to explore my sensual nature with the strong boundaries in place. I got to express myself without the concern of it turning into a sexual encounter which would lead to an unwanted relationship. Awesome! From there I moved into providing sensual services and sensual massage – another amazing way to express my sensuality (and sexuality!) with very firm boundaries in place and a very clear understanding of what I was offering of myself and how I was offering it. I, as well as my clients, could come together for a brief amount of time, explore our sensual and sexual natures, and then depart from each other’s company, knowing that nothing more was required of either one of us. A beautiful outlet for our energies and one that was wonderfully compatible for both of our needs. Win/win!
Having spent so many years pursuing the sensual arts, I have come to learn quite a bit about how much sexual and sensual repression and confusion effects pretty much all of us, unfortunately. Seeing how painful this has been for so many of us has instilled in me a very strong desire to want to heal the wounds we carry and support a healthier sensual and sexual expression. The latest part of my sensual evolution entails providing energy healing support to clear the stagnant energies and limiting belief systems that keep us in shame, guilt, repression, and fear. As I move further along on my journey, I am more and more called to the healing and teaching element of the sensual arts. And, not too long ago now in my journey, I met and fell intensely in love with the most beautiful man I have ever known. My precious soul mate and best friend in the entire world. He asked me to marry him after only 16 days of having met. And I did. It was just that right. You know when something is right and this was definitely that. We just recently celebrated our first year of marriage and wow – what an adventure! And along with this adventure comes even more evolution in my sensual journey.
Originally I held strong to my belief that we can experience sensual and sexual pleasure with more than one person and it absolutely does not hinder the love we feel for our partner. And I absolutely still trust this is true if the people involved are mature enough and responsible enough to deal with their feelings and emotions – to know that sensual and/or sexual energy does not equate to love, that there is more than enough love and affection to go around for everybody, and that sharing oneself in one way does not leave less for the other. I still wholeheartedly trust this is real and true for me, but something that I did not anticipate is that my desire to share myself with others might change. In my current experience, I am simply feeling more drawn to my husband and the previous attraction to a variety of sexual experiences does not hold the same appeal for me. That feels both scary and exciting to me! I love being so in love with my husband. I’ve always had such “freedom” before however and it feels scary to loosen my grip on that, but also super beautiful to be feeling this way.
This has all required me to deeply analyze my sensual expression though and see what feels true for me now, as I still feel that my sensuality and sexuality is too big to confine to one person. I have always enjoyed being on stage, dressing sexy, being seen, turning people on, and offering sensual touch – in a way that isn’t limited to one person. And, again, even through all of this I have been learning the difference between my sensual and sexual natures, which can so easily get confused. I can express sensually without having sex. And doing so is extremely important to me. But I had to pick this apart and try to figure out what that means for me and what does that look like now? What I have come to discover is that I am still totally passionate about offering sessions, though not of the full-service variety. Sensual healing touch is what feels most beautiful and in alignment now. So many of us are so lacking in this area and it feels important to me to continue to offer this lovely experience for others as it truly feeds my soul to do so. We need touch! I truly believe we would live in a different world if we were all getting more healing, intentional touch!
Also in my exploration, I just tried out an OnlyFans page as a new modality, but turns out that felt too exclusive to me and people were unable to comment to my posts in a way that allowed for the type of conversation I am interested in having around all of the issues we are working with. So I am in the process of shutting that down and will be refocusing my energy here and seeing about perhaps a subscription area where I can share a bit more private and exclusive content. Not all things I want public! :) So, I am super excited to share more with you here and hope to get some interesting conversations going. Stay tuned for more wisdom I’ve gleaned along the way, poetry, healing advice (distance sessions are available should you be interested!), inspiration, tools for empowerment, and I'll see where I can post some very sexy images (and maybe videos too?!) of my husband and I together. I’m inspired to show the sensuality and beauty of commitment and love. Of Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine. Of the spirituality of sensual energy.
I’m excited and inspired to bring all the elements of myself together in a unique and creative way. I have always had bits and pieces of myself all over the place – sensuality here, spirituality there, marriage over here, healing practice over there. I am working to integrate all of these aspects and it feels super empowering to do so.
I hope you enjoy and are inspired by whatever transpires here and by the beautiful energies I bring to my sessions. I pray that it all supports you on your journey towards healthier sensual and sexual expression and healthier ways of relating with yourself and others. To one of fulfillment and nourishment and empowerment. And I hope all of it turns you on in ways unexpected!
Sending much love and light you way ~ Star
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